Come Clean: To My Brothers, Who Are White Males, Like Me

By Todd Jenkins

To my brothers, who are white males…like me.

There has been a lot of talk in the media about us lately. Talk about our privilege, power, abuse of that power, and the ways in which we take…or grab.

And it’s hard to not let offense take hold of us as we start to get angry and say, “That’s not me! That’s Trump or Billy Bush!” (Or some other white male who’s been caught…or one who has abused a person of color or different sexuality.)

What I want to say to you today is this. We are not being attacked! Please get this! We are being called out and given the chance to come clean, heal, and get honest about what part or parts we have played in abusing our masculine power. It’s time for us to take that pointy finger and turn it towards our self and take responsibility for who we have been and who we are.

I have said these words to myself and others, “Oh, I’m not as bad as him” or “It’s just what men do”. And many, many more things I regret saying and doing to people of all kinds. I may estimate that I’m only 25% as bad as Trump, but it’s still 100% wrong and I have hurt others by my actions and intentions.

I want to change that.

I’m coming clean and I’m asking you to come clean too. It doesn’t have to be to me, of course. But come clean and begin to walk the road of healing yourself and healing your relationships, friendships, marriages, communities, and ultimately the world.

Our women need and want us to stand up, be honest, transparent, get educated, learn to be aware of how we can slip into abuse, stop abusing(!), and then co-create a world that is safe for all of us. (Note: I am using our women, not only as a term of endearment, but as a way to say we are all attached to each other. We are one.)

I have many women friends, family, and my wife right now who are scared and feeling even more unsafe since as our new president was elected. But, they are also very powerful and determined that they will create safe space for each other without us, if they need to, while continuing to call us out.

Sadly, this would never be the best version of our world – as it would remain out of balance and unsafe.

The balanced way, the healthy way, the life giving way for all of us to stand as one…unity among masculine and feminine.

To my sisters…to my LGBT friends…to my friends of all colors and nationalities…

I love you dearly with all my heart.

Thank you for calling me out!

Thank you for asking me to come clean!

I have much to learn, but I will continue to stand up for us as best as I can. Mistakes will be made as I fall down, learn, and try again.

I ask for your hand to help me stand up again and I ask for your wisdom on how to walk a better way.

I ask for your forgiveness for the man I was.

I ask for your support for the man I’m becoming.

And I ask for you to love the man I am today.

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Todd Jenkins
Husband, father, son, brother, man on a mission. I would say I’m part Velveteen Rabbit (becoming Real) and NEO waking up from the Matrix by continuing to take the red pill and see just how far the rabbit hole goes.I hit bottom (hard!) in 2005. So hard it finally woke me up enough to quit running and seek help. I have journeyed into the unknown ever since then and been willing to take risks, share my deep truths, and be completely vulnerable. The response from others really surprised me at first. My willingness to dive into my pain and share it with others became an invitation for them to open up too. It’s amazing to me how truth invites truth…how vulnerability and raw honesty heals us deeply if we are willing to go there.I love your truth…and mine. The real, down-to-earth, no bullshit, “it is what it is” truth. It helps me breathe when the air is thin and my legs are wobbly. I think our stories are like the most delicious food that nourishes us heart, mind, body, spirit, and soul. Our truth is the fuel for our joy and the elixir for our pain. It is the place where grace and love can do their work.I am an aspiring writer, coach, speaker, teacher, leader, encourager, dreamer…King, Warrior, Magician, and Lover. One day I may be the encourager and motivator – the powerful King leading the charge as we wield our swords and ride! And the next, I may be in darkness and melancholy as I crash into the shore of shame and fear. It’s all real and very much alive in me. I embrace my gold and my shadow and walk these paths doing my best to stay awake and present and to feel my life deeply. Here in this moment is where I want to live my life.
Todd Jenkins

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